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Sunday, December 2, 2012

I grew up invisible in Salt Lake City, Utah. Invisibility has definite advantages, especially when combined with a vivid imagination. I spent my youth on a raft floating down the Mississippi with my friends Tom, Huck, and Jim. I stood next to George and his rag-tag troops in Valley Forge. I chased windmills with Don Quixote. I spent summers in Europe, winters in Alaska. Anywhere my imagination could take me. I created magical, fantasy worlds with magical inhabitants.
Time does not stand still. Fantasy worlds evolve into mundane, everyday life. As I grew older my whimsical travels to far off places diminished and my invisibility slowly faded into visibility. All foolish realms were forgotten, pushed into the furthest regions of my mind. I grew up, but a small part of my mind, the part stuffed to overflowing with imaginary worlds, refused to get older. I must have a Peter Pan soul.
Years passed. One failed marriage became two. I found and married my one true love and began my happily ever after. Happiness has certain side effects, my creativity yearned to shine. The imaginary world refused to be silenced; they demanded to be heard.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched an eight minute video on Youtube the other night. I never watch Youtube, but I felt compelled to watch this particular tube. I watched in horror and sadness as a young, faceless girl shuffled one card after another. I read each card; the only sound room was my tears falling.
The tube brought long forgotten memories that I had shoved deep into the crevices of my mind. I too am a victim of bullies in school. I am slightly different than others. I am shorter; my arms are slightly shorter than others. My schoolmates called my Tyrannosaur Ray. I was held by the ankles over the stairwell. I was throw into the deep end of the pool, even though the bullies knew I couldn't swim. I was told to sink or swim, I sank. Obviously they finally pulled me from the pool.
Like I said I threw those memories as far as I could into my mind. I found my release, I would make fun of myself before others had the chance.
That all happened over forty years ago, it took years for my scars to heal. However, I am still self-debasing. I am still the first one in line to joke about me.
The outcome of this poor girl is drastically different than mine. I grieve over why she thought that death was the only option. It's time to change the system to no tolerance. Those involved in bullying should be accountable for their actions and be punished, regardless of their age.
There has always been a bully in all societies, Cain, Goliath, Napoleon, and Hitler, only to name a few.
We as a global community must raise our voice. We might never be able to stop bullying, but we can make punishment for any bullying a major deterrent.
Amanda, Jaymey, David, Dawn-Marie and others should have never been forced to think that suicide was their only options. Raise your voice.

That's my voice, it's not much, but it's a start.

Monday, October 8, 2012

I get a little paranoid at times, I hate it when I open a new DVD and I am told "this motion picture has been formatted to fit YOUR TV." How do they know what kind of TV I have? Is this a tactic of a BIG BROTHER society? What's next? "This gallon of milk has been formatted to fit YOUR (my) fridge, or "this easy chair has been formatted to fit my big fat butt" "this automobile has been formatted to fit my sporadic driving skills." I don't know. Maybe the Mayans were off on the date that the world will end. Maybe it has already ended and I am in a dream formatted to fit MY OR YOUR reality.

Friday, April 27, 2012

justice for Cristopher

I learned a valuable lesson earlier this week, or should I say I relearned a valuable lesson earlier this week. I learned your happiness and security can crumble around you in a matter of seconds. A lesson I have learned several times in my life. A lesson I had forgotten. Our life was torn asunder last Tuesday when a Greene County Juvenile judge threw a brick wall into our path. Our lives shattered into a zillion pieces.

Christopher, our grandson, came into our life almost two years ago after his mother made some unwise choices. We became his foster parents at that time. For the last two years we have loved, cared for him while his mother set her life in order. The prognosis for reunification was good. The mother was told that all parties involved to regaining custody were moving forward.

Our hearts broke when a Judge Jones gave custody to Christopher’s father. This father has a major anger issue. This father has seen his son one time since he was six months old. This father can’t seem to find ten minutes a week to spent Skype time with his son, yet he thinks he will be able to spend 24 hours a day raising his son. This father abused his son while he was married to the mother.

How could this travesty happen? What was the judge thinking? The fact of the matter is Christopher was on the role of Foster Children of Missouri and the State paid $488 a month for his care. The mother was not completely ready to take care of her child, so he arbitrarily decided to give custody to an abusive stranger to get Christopher off of the roles and save the State $488 a month.

We were not given a voice. We are willing and financially able to care for him. But no, he is being forced away from all he has ever known because of a judgment from a Judge thinking only about the bottom line. His decision was not ‘what’s better for the child’; on the contrary it was “what’s better for the state, the child be damned.’

Where is the justice for Christopher? Why should he be a victim of the economy?

Raise your voice to the injustice if you are in the Springfield Missouri area, hell raise your voice to this injustice if you are a caring member of humanity. The bottom dollar should not be the deciding factor when deliberating a child’s fate.

As for now we are shocked, numb, and outraged. Dreaming is no longer fun.

Monday, April 16, 2012

my name isn't Noah

On Thursday, April 5th, I awoke to the sound of water below my bedroom; I said to myself that someone was taking a shower in the bathroom below me. The problem with that thought is NOBODY USES THE BATHROOM BELOW ME. I ran downstairs to find a swimming pool in our basement (ok a swimming pool for small insects and such as the depth was no more than 2 inches) a pipe in the toilet had burst, spewing water like a miniature Niagara Falls.

The final casualties for last week’s flood is in. 60 of our grandson's stuffed animals lost their life as they valiantly kept him safe from water as he slept. (We were told we shouldn't save them as most were soaking wet) Every single one of his books drowned, they didn't know what hit them, and we are waiting to see the condition of the three easy chairs. They stood stoic as the waves lashed against their legs. Their companion tables are so lost as they sit in a corner of our living room. The poor tables miss their easy chair companions.
The pipe that burst was one of those pipes that had a lifetime guarantee against burstability. I took out my dictionary to see if I had the right definition of LIFETIME.
We have yet to hear from FEMA.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

happy birthday mom

Happy birthday mom, you would have turned 87 today. I thought you might want an update on what you have missed in the thirteen years since you went home.
I married Kathe a little over a month after your passing. I know you never really met her; after all she refused to come see you in the hospital. You were right mom; she was not the right girl for me. I wonder how you knew. She was abusive and I was too blind to see until it was too late. She also refused to go to your funeral and got mad when I went.
I stayed with her for almost two years. Come to think about it I am glad you weren’t here to see me during that part of my life. I don’t remember if I told you that Kathe had multiple personalities. Talk about a life experience. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I had her arrested on spousal abuse, but like a fool I would always forgive her.
I finally got to the breaking point after she threw a full glass of milk at me after one of her one-sided arguments. (She was great a picking me apart regardless of what I did or didn’t do.) Anyway one of her personalities got upset and threw the milk at me, hitting me in the head. I waited until she was asleep and I grabbed what I could fit in my car and left her. The biggest problem was you were no longer there to tell me everything would work out. I had no place to go to. Nobody to heal my soul, for the first time in my life I had to heal my broken-heart by myself.
The world as we know it changed for good on a peaceful day in September of 2001 when terrorist crashed airplanes into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania. We all watched in horror as the towers crumbled down. Well I can’t actually say all of us. Kathe was in a minor accident that morning. (About the same time as the towers) That is really what the argument was about. She couldn’t understand why I paid more attention to her minor accident.
Salt Lake City finally got to host their Olympics in the winter of 2002. It was a big deal for the city, not such a big deal for me. I remember watching the opening ceremony thinking how cold it was. It was at that moment I knew I had to leave Salt Lake City for a warmer climate. I couldn’t stay there any longer. It didn’t help that I was living in the same apartment complex as Kathe. You know me once I decide to move somewhere else there is nothing that will stop me. I moved away from Utah the day after the closing ceremony. I ended up in Anaheim California a few blocks from Disneyland.
My life changed forever while there. I found true love. Oh, not in Anaheim but San Diego. Mom I met the perfect lady in a chat room on AOL (I know you told me to stay away from the internet) you would like her mom, and I wish you could have met her.
The first thing she told me was, “I will never leave San Diego,” how’s that for funny? I guess my wanderlust shows in my eyes. She had even thought about canceling our first date, but she decided that one date with me couldn’t hurt. Boy was she wrong. We married a little over a year later. She is what had been missing in my life. I also became dad to her daughter Allison, who became my sunshine.
I now live in Springfield Missouri, yah, I know my true love stated she would never leave San Diego, I guess wanderlust is contagious.
We have been on a cruise to Mexico, Disneyworld, Washington DC, Philadelphia, and we went to New York City to see Phantom on Broadway. I know you loved Phantom of the opera, you would love seeing it on Broadway, there is no substitute,
Do you remember how I said that I would write a book? Well, guess what. I have written three books.
Mom, I need to go. I am sure you are busy talking to Mozart or playing Pinochle with my brother Bill. I just wanted to let you know I am happy and miss you.
Happy Birthday.