CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

ALBERT THE TROLL

Alexander tripped over a gnarled tree root in the darkness, bruising his shin and cutting his elbow. A hand darted out from the blackness as he lay sprawled on the ground, and it snatched him up. The ring on the hand wasn’t one he recognized. Neither leprechaun wore a ring.

A hearty laugh echoed. “Don’t worry, young one, I mean you no harm.” The voice was not the one he heard before.

“You’re not O’Toole.”

 “No, I’m not. They told me you were observant.”

 “Abby, RUN! It’s an ambush!”

“Bring me the girl, Herb,” the voice called out. “Oh, don’t worry. As I said, we mean you no harm.”

 Herb, the ugliest creature Alexander ever saw, emerged from trees holding a torch. It illuminated his horrendous green face. His left cheek sported a giant hairy mole, and deep pockmarks ran the length of his right cheek. The flicker of the torch made the mark appear much larger, and the blemishes seemed to crater. He slung Abby, who was kicking and screaming, over his shoulder.

Another grotesque thing stepped from the shadows into the faint light. He was an exact double of the abomination holding the torch. They both wore bib overalls, two sizes too small, and a red plaid shirt with the sleeves missing. Worse, both smelled as if they lived in the sewer.

Herb dropped Abby onto the ground next to Alexander.

“As I said,” not-Herb smiled at Abby, sending freaky cringes up her spine, “we won’t harm either of you. All you need to do is answer a few simple questions.”

“Gold-hunter fairies,” Abby whispered in Alexander’s ear.

The troll motioned something to Herb. Abby screamed with pain as Herb kicked her in the side.

“Do I have your attention now?” the troll asked. “You need to control your girlfriend, boy.”

Alexander fought the urge to tell the troll the girl was not his girlfriend, but played along.

“Good,” the troll smiled. “My name is Albert, and it is evident the girl knows who we are.”

Alexander looked at Abby. “Remember the diner?”

“I’m not hungry. You say stupid things,” Abby retorted.

Albert growled, “You can eat after you answer my questions. Or we eat you, and you won’t have to worry about eating again.”

“Stupid? I say stupid things?” Alexander argued. “What about the idiotic stuff you told Shelley at lunch?”

Abby fumed, “Let me tell you something, brat… oh.”

Herb hefted the torch above his head, ready to swing it if needed.

“That’s okay, Herbie, let them fight. We have plenty of time.” Albert stopped his brother from bashing their prisoners with the lit torch.

Abby risked standing up, and an off-white radiance shone around her. Her face glowed bright, making her even more beautiful, if it were possible. Without warning, she melted into the tree behind her.

                                                                 

Herb and Albert stood motionless, shocked that their prisoner left so abruptly. Herb kicked a tree stump viciously, and Albert scowled at his remaining prisoner. “Bring her back,” he seethed.

“I can’t do that.” Alexander was afraid of Herb kicking him. “She just poofs away whenever I mention dinner. She’s annoying that way.”

Albert’s muscles rippled. Steam oozed from his ears. His eyes turned red just before he tore the nearest tree from its roots and threatened Alexander with it. Alexander scurried for protection behind Herb. That was not the best decision. Then again, the day was becoming full of his foolishness.

“Make your girlfriend come back, or Herb here will eat you,” Albert bellowed, tossing the tree aside as if it were a toothpick.

“I ain’t eatin’ no scrawny boy.” Herb appeared confused. “You know my wife has me on a strict diet. I’m only allowed fruits and nuts.”

Albert slapped his forehead. “Do I have to do all the mayhem and injuring all by myself?” He walked over to Herb and jabbed his finger in his face. “If I say you’re going to eat a boy, then by your mammy’s grave, you’re going to eat the kid.”

Alexander knew an opportunity when he saw one. He crawled away as the trolls argued. Inch by inch, he made his way across the cold, damp ground. His knee ached. His elbow bled. An enormous calloused hand grabbed him from behind and dragged him back.

“You were not excused.” Albert held him by the back of his shirt as if he were a rag-doll. He tossed Alexander over to Herb, “Prepare something to roast him.” He wiped his meaty hands on the front of his overalls.

“No, wait. I know how to make Abby come back.” Alex crossed his fingers behind his back.

“Hold on there, Herb. Maybe the young boy has seen his error and is now ready to cooperate.” Albert smiled a crooked, creepy smile.

Herb dropped the boy onto the ground three feet below.

“Sure,” Alexander agreed, rubbing his butt. “I still don’t know how to make Abby reappear.”

“Forget the girl. She is inconsequential. You should be enough bait to do the job.”

Forget the girl? I wish it were that easy.

“We have nothing but time. We can wait here all night, if that’s what it takes,” Albert stated. “Make it easy on yourself. Tell us what we want to know, and we will be on our way, and you can continue your lovely night with your girlfriend.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend. I’m only thirteen,” Alexander protested.

Albert picked a glob of earwax from his ear and shoved it into his mouth before he cut Alexander off with a dismissive flick of his massive wrist. “Enough. I’m running out of patience. Where are your accomplices? Where are the leprechauns?”

                                                                 

A figure popped up behind the troll.

“I know where the girl is,” said Alex.

“I told you to forget about the girl. But, I’ll play your silly game,” Albert sighed. “Where’s the girl?”

“Behind you, the girl is behind you. And O’Toole and Malley are with her.” Alexander smiled and stuck his tongue out.

“I will not fall for…” Albert, the Gold-hunting Troll’s, last words cut short when the deadly shillelagh touched the small of his back, causing him to explode on the spot. Poor Herb didn’t see his demise coming either, and all that remained of him were bits of troll guts hanging loosely from tree branches.

“Honestly, young man, I believe my last instructions were for you to stay out of trouble.” A familiar voice came from behind a tree. “You can’t always count on Abby rescuing you.”