March 31, 2009

I thought the sagging economy was someone else’s burden. My job situation was secure. I even wrote a blog about it in January. That was until the big bad wolf huffed and puffed and blew my secure job right out the door.

For the first time in forty years, I am unemployed. I am numb. However that is another adventure to explore at a later date. I believe you are here to read the conclusion of my next to the latest adventure. I am sorry, but this will not be the final blog about my adventure. Yippee, my current adventure will continue for the next three weeks. That’s right this yucky surgery adventure will walk hand and hand with my creepier out of work adventure. So if you are a current follower, or an on the fence follower, hold on to your hats, It is going to be a bumpy ride.

I am not sure if I have ever explained the logistics of my current condition. Most of you know I had prostate cancer, and for those that are new and had no idea, I suggest you go back to my blog for December 17th and familiarize yourself with my last adventure. Go ahead we will wait for you.

Lalalalala. I hope you don’t mind if I hum while we wait. If there are any one of you wishing to join in please feel free to do so.
Oh good they’re back. Was it all that you had hoped for? I know I was personally riveted to the adventure, but then I had a great advantage point to observe from.

What follows is totally embarrassing. I tried to train one of daughter Raballard’s pet rats to type, that way I could be in the other room when my condition was discussed. However the pet rats are not talking to me seems as if I made them out to be villains in my book INTO THE BLACK REALM. Needless to say they want little to do with me and left it up to me to discuss my condition. So here I go. Wait, before I continue, could I make a simple request? I would ask each one of you to read the following sentences with one eye closed. If you could read with both eyes closed that would be better. I figure maybe that will soften the blow to my ego.

There is a certain side effect that follows most victims of prostate cancer. More times than not the condition corrects itself. Most of you have seen the little boy fountain, you know the fountain where the water comes from a precarious location. I bet you didn’t know that you can actually turn of the flow from the precarious place. It’s as easy as turning off the valve. The fountain is off; it will not be turned on again unless you turn it on. Ok here’s the embarrassing part. In my case my little boy fountain returned itself on. I was hopeless. Do I need to say more? Good lets change to another part of the adventure.

I approached my doctor and asked him if there was any way to rectify my fountain. He assured me there was a simple procedure. He had performed many times with astounding results. I told him to sign me up. I was ready, willing and able. My buddy the doctor squashed my exuberant excitement “Don’t you think I should explain the procedure before you get all worked up?”

I asked him if the procedure worked he assured me again that it worked most of the time. That was enough for me. I was ready for the procedure at any cost.

Apparently my buddy the doctor does not do well with highly over-excited cancer patients. He made it clear that he was going to explain the procedure anyways. How do you like that, I thought he was working for me.

My buddy the doctor went to a desk drawer and pulled out a device. He told me the name of this device, but as it looked like one of the aliens from War of the Worlds I quickly forgot its name. I asked him what his toy alien had to do with my fountain. OK here’s the thing, this part is even more embarrassing then a broken water valve on my fountain.

Unwrapping his War of the World magical device, in order to show me its total creepiness my buddy explained the weird objects purpose. The device had what he called a tiny balloon attached to some kind of buttony thing.

I will leave to your imagination what happens after that. I am so humiliated.

There you have the procedure in a “nutshell”, I have ran out of time again. I will have to continue this adventure another time. Give me a few days to change my name, relocate, and forget about my humiliation.

I would like to welcome any new followers; I bet you’re wishing they had room for more followers on a less disgusting blog.

Please come back.